The following are two excerpts from the journal of an embattled soldier during the major days and following aftermath of the conflict known to the history books as “Liam’s Last Stand”. Occurring in the last days of June, during Liam’s venture to the Orient, the following journal is the only documented proof of the invasion of flies that almost caused him to lose his kitchen forever…



June 19th, 2009- Excerpt from the journal of Liam Quinn (Private First Class, Bravo Company) during the early days of the Black Korea Campaign’s final counter-offensive.

Days have turned to weeks and the enemy has been quiet. They cut off our supply lines in their initial attack. They arrived with a small reconnaissance force. While their presence was unwelcome, the potential for coexistence existed at first. However, it didn’t take long for them to capitalize on our (my) indifferent hospitality. After gaining a foothold on my window they began their advance. The ceiling was their next point of occupation. Looking back it may have been possible to have repelled the invasion before it took its full form but we (I) had neither the resources to observe their full activity or the necessary artillery to make an effective counter-offensive. The result was a swift and absolute defeat for the defenders (us [me]). It became rapidly evident that it would be essential to evacuate all necessary personnel and fall back to a more fortified position. So as to ensure a safe and complete retreat, measures were taken to seal off the already forfeited territories and accept them as losses. Our defeat was neither dignified or affordable at a time like this, but a true general knows when to withdraw when the hope of victory has vanished.
Since the infamous Rout at Culinary Pass, a more sophisticated system of surveillance has been instituted and a number of forays into the occupied territories have been attempted. Our initial incursion into No Man’s Land was complimented with added firepower from my ally Chris. Equipped with nothing more than a half-empty Glade can and love for our homeland, we sallied into the forsaken unknown with hopes of not regaining our ground but to discover just what it was we were up against. Early estimates were desperately discouraging as the number of enemy units began to swell along the barricade separating the newly partitioned territories. The assumption was that a suitable base of operations had already been established by the enemy and that prospects of venturing further were being discussed by the brass of their outfit. It would be this early probe mission that would confirm or discredit those initial assumptions. Upon parting the only barrier differentiating us between preservation and peril we entered onto an unsettlingly dark and quiet scene. The occasional enemy could be seen hovering indifferently across the small room, paying no attention to the presence of hostile forces. Perhaps emboldened by the apparent apathy of the enemy or maybe just overwhelmed by the eerie stillness that engulfed us, my comrade-in-arms relinquished a barrage of fresh scented lemon at a nearby group of idle enemies so as to cripple any attempt at retaliation. A faint inkling of possible success crept into our minds before it was utterly crushed by the realization of our worst fears. In response to Chris’ hostile gesture, a cloud of black emerged from the opposite windowsill, accompanied by a crescendo of menacing buzzes and we were soon overpowered by virtue of their speed and might. Retreat was our only course and it was done so in the wake of a most disturbing revelation- defeat was closer than we could have imagined.
The campaign has seen little change since our exploration of the enemy holdings. The number of sentries posted on the opposite side of the barrier has ranged from startling to unnoticeable. Endeavors behind enemy lines since our first attempt have brought mixed results and have been met with equal concern for reconnaissance and removal of once friendly resources that, with time, could only bolster the conviction of the opposition. At times, the diminished number of visible enemy forces has made it appear as though there may be some internal strife within their camp. It can only be hoped that their sinister warmongering meets its end by their own hands. Should the time for our side to take sterner action arrive, I shudder at the consequences. We have taken measures to encourage internal weakness by introducing a number of fresh-smelling and air-drying elements into their environment. It can only be hoped that this as far as it needs to be taken…

… torn pages and fragments are all that remain of the private’s compositions detailing the days between July 19th and July 26th. Further inspection of the assumed location of the most heated parts of the conflict lead us to conclude that there was a flurry of skirmishes and hostilities in these days…


July 26th, 2009- Excerpt from the journal of Liam Quinn (Lieutenant, Bravo Company) during the final days of the Black Korea Campaign.

Like the mist rising from the hills after the night of a tempest the cloud of black has lifted from our besieged lands. The men rejoice and in time the laughter and mirth that had been silenced will return. Our tactical purge of the enemy has seen resounding success. They could not endure our retributive incursions and just as they came they were forced to beat a hurried retreat to whatever realm of blackness they hailed from. Much work will be needed to reclaim the territories and return them to their original state and the fear of the enemies return still looms in the clearing air, but for now we breathe a sigh of relief. War is over.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


To be honest, I did think my kitchen was in serious peril. With the summer months only just arriving and the flies coming in at full force I was partially willing to accept the sacrifice for a couple of months. I don’t cook all that much in there and it wasn’t so uninhabitable that I couldn’t get to the fridge for what few things I needed to keep cool. However, I was informed that this kind of thing was somewhat common and, while I think I got it worse than most, there are a number of things that can be done to limit the amount of flies hanging out in your apartment. One of the major issues with the kitchen is that the sink’s pipes don’t work terribly well and any piece of food that gets in there, no matter how small, will simply stay there. Also, the way the kitchen is laid out, it can get rather hot and humid as it is and so making it an ideal spot for some opportunistic winged insects. Either way, it didn’t take much more than a solid cleaning and some products from the local mini-stop to address the issue. So for those of you who were worried about that courageous private you just read about, don’t worry too much, sounds like he’s doing just fine now. It actually sounds like he was a little more dramatic than he needed to be.

In the world of LCI Academy, I had Parent-Teacher Conferences two weekends ago (yeah, it’s been that long since my last post) and they actually went much better than I had expected. My first one was during the week and it didn’t go as well as I would have hoped. It was, by no means bad, but the Korean Parent-Teacher conference goes considerably differently than one back in the states, especially when there is a language barrier. While it was nice to have a Korean teacher to mediate and, at times, pretty much speak for me, it definitely took away from the parent-teacher aspect of the whole experience. Every time the parent fielded me a question I would attempt to answer the question to the best of my ability but in all reality the only thing being conveyed to the parent is the general idea of what I’m saying. The basic pattern of the conversation involved the question from the parent, an answer from me, and then a long-winded interpretation that would put a reverse Godzilla translation to shame. What I said in the span of a minute or two lasted anywhere between five and ten minutes from my Korean teacher’s mouth. There were actually times where I heard laughing between the two and other times when I heard the parent actually say something else and the Korean teacher responded without conferring with me. I do realize that sometimes I’m more humorous than I even realize and I’m sure jokes of my caliber translate perfectly well, but I’m still pretty sure my Korean teacher was slipping some of her own material into my response. Also, the Korean teacher that was translating for me wasn’t actually the one that I work with in class so I’m rather impressed that at her ability to make informed responses to the parents without checking with yours truly.
As for the questions themselves, they tend be geared towards who their child gets along with in the class, whether he or she is the best in the class and where they sit in the classroom. While these are pretty pressing matters I did expect questions of a different type. For my first interview, these kinds of things were somewhat unknown to me so I may not have rallied to the moment as well as I could have, but it still went well enough. My first one on Saturday was a bit difficult because of a misunderstanding about something that happened between her son and another student in class but once it was resolved it went rather well. For the rest of the interviews, proper preparation allowed them to go much more smoothly and I actually enjoyed meeting the parents of the children I was teaching. A couple of the parents were actually proficient enough in English to make a direct conversation more or less possible. On top of that, I came away with a 50,000 won gift certificate to the ironically stereotypical American restaurant- The Outback Steakhouse.

For those of you keeping up with my “weekly” (well, bi-monthly with an insert somewhere in between) you will know that I’ve been commissioned with the care of one of the more advanced classes for on of my afternoon sessions. It seems that the competitive nature of private English Institutes in Korea creates a great degree of pressure for the school to ensure top performance from their top students. With some recent questions from the parents of my students about the new teacher that has taken over their children’s class there have been plans made for an open class to be made available to any parent interested in observing an actual class. This also means a critical observation from the director of the school, as well, to make sure he thinks the class is in suitable order to be seen by concerned parents. The news is a little disconcerting but, at the same time, I don’t think I’m terribly concerned. The kids are pretty smart and I’m pretty confident that I can at least make it LOOK like I’m a good teacher.

Bringing us up to this weekend, we regrettably had our head English teacher- the teacher that recruited me- part ways with the school after7 good years of service. As a particularly approachable and accountable individual it’s an unfortunate event. However, as all stormy clouds are want to have, there was a substantial silver lining in all of this. To honor his dedication and service it was only natural for our school to celebrate him the way it knows best- ANOTHER ROOF PARTY! Although the weather did not cooperate with us enough to manage an actual roof party, we brought the festivities were brought indoors and were, yet again, thoroughly enjoyable.
Though the party had been planned a few weeks in advance, sometime about the week before the party, it was decided that it would be costume party. While my initial plan was to come as the relentless guide that treated us like galley slaves on the rafting trip, a trip downtown with my compatriots Chris and Terry brought us to the idea of dressing like three of the older employees who, much like us, are three friends who spend a good deal of time together. In my mind it would be somewhat Seinfeld-esque and for that alone I was able to abandon my initial plan and jump on board with the new one. Our arrival was met with a good deal of hilarity accented by a touch of resentment from those of whom we had imitated. The party was highlighted by the introduction of a drinking game known as caps that, for me, was a welcome reminder of home where I was first exposed to the game. However, for the party as a whole, it will be well remembered mostly for the fireworks that the three of us bought while looking for our costumes which, interestingly enough, can be found in a typical supermarket just like anything else. While it may have been more exciting to have had to sneak across the DMZ to obtain these celebratory incendiaries, I wasn’t unhappy about this convenience.
In the hodgepodge of recent events I finally joined a gym over here. Well, I actually joined awhile ago but haven’t managed to throw it into my blog yet to make me look cool. I got a pretty cheap year contract but the gym itself makes the Vernon High School gym, even before being restocked, look pretty appealing. Still, it will do for the time. I also recently took a trip out to the Outback Steakhouse with a couple of friends to make use of the aforementioned gift certificate. It was nice having a steak and baked potato in “familiar” environs but an Outback, in the middle of Korea, still doesn’t have the same taste as home. On top of that, I was there with a Brit, who had never been to an Outback before anyway ( I kid Terry). Still, we didn’t hate sitting down to a well-cooked dinner, accompanied with a fine bottle of Australian wine and some good conversation. However, a return trip may take some time in light of it’s costliness.
On top of all previous hodgepodge news, the two most prominent stories in my recent history come from the US’s National Soccer Team and my good friend Greg Jablonski. After pulling off a stunning last game miracle against Egypt to reach the semi-finals of the Confederation Cup over Italy, our dear boys from the states took the World’s game to a new level when they beat the Spaniards 9 (the globe’s number 1 ranked team) 2-0 in the friendly confines of Loftus Versfeld, a stadium in South Africa that will help host the 2010 World Cup. In addition, I was recently informed that the one and only Greg Jablonski will be visiting me here in Gwangju for the span of two weeks. It will be a rather welcome change for me to see a familiar face way out here and I look forward to showing him what Korea has to offer. I will do my best to keep you posted about that as things happen- buuuut no promises.


Also, the Kia Tigers are in third and look like a team that has its sights on something better!

So just in time to avoid the flood of demands for new posts, which have already begun to trickle in, I present to you the close of my June 26th post on SoKo and Liam. I go to bed dreaming of Stars and Stripes.

I'm sure many of you scoffed at the prospect of me writing my next post in a more timely fashion than my past few entries and it seems I have given you good reason to do so. My plan to post every two or three days or so has been, as of yet, a mere dream. I apologize to all my readers, both stalwart and casual. Though I don't aim to make any promises, I urge you to not give up hope. I still may manage to establish some kind of regularity for this thing in the future.

The Korean humidity that I have heard so much about before this has begun its descent onto the urban confines of Gwangju Metropolitan City. It's still rather bearable but from what I understand it's still the beginning. I'm pretty thankful for the six sticks of Old Spice that I toted over here with me at the beginning of this trip. I imagine such foresight will pay considerable dividends in the future.

I've been having some pretty good times with my class which, I forgot to mention, is called Princeton Class. I couldn't help but smile at my fortune early on when the one guy from Jersey scored the class with the namesake of the Ivy League school that no one from that state actually attends. However, as much as I've been enjoying my class, they have also seen the sterner side of Liam Teacher. It's a regrettable affair when I have to act that way with the kids but I do it cuz I care.

As per usual, the highlight of my activity here in the Orient took place on the weekend. On Friday a few of us accompanied one of the directors to the grocery store to purchase some essentials for the planned white water rafting trip that the school would be hosting the next day. After being used for some heavy lifting and transportation labor, the director took us out for some Bunda jjigae. Now, bunda jjigae is technically considered Korean cuisine but in all reality it's pretty much just hotdog and spam soup made with ramen noodles. Of course, ramen here holds a much more reputable place in the Korean eye but I couldn't help but think that this kind of soup could have just as easily originated in a college dorm one late night as opposed to blossoming as a common dish of the South Korean nation. Keeping with Korean tradition, we complimented our meal with some maekju- beer -, but in a very conservative manner. Fully aware of the physically demanding day that lay before us, we saw it in our best interest to make it a quiet night. After an enjoyable meal, the night ended with the purchase of a few supersoakers to be unleashed on the unsuspecting bodies of those in our rafting company and we went our separate ways.

The next day began with a two hour drive out of Gwangju in a rather comfortable coach bus, occupied mostly with the activity, or inactivity, of sleep. Upon our arrival we were a bit discomfited by our welcome from the notably austere directors at the rafting site. We were very rapidly beset by a fusillade of whistles directing us to stand in four lines as we were given our standard issue life jackets, helmets and oars.Though we were assured that the activity of the day was rafting, it entered the minds of not a few of us that maybe we had wandered a little too far north, maybe beyond the stiffly guarded DMZ. For the most part, those oars of ours were probably not a far cry from what those armed hooligans up north were equipped with. The day continued in its oddly regimented manner as we got ready to launch our inflated aquatic vessels. Our raft director had the members of our crew wade into the water before boarding the raft. We assumed it was for the purpose of acclimating us to the river water. Initially, this was not much of a problem. However, this peculiar exercise of arbitrary authority became less agreeable when he had us link arms and dip up and down in the water as he chanted "1-down! 2- up!" as though he was conditioning us for a greater ordeal than a lazy trek down a meandering river. Looks of confusion began to be exchanged when we realized that the other crews of rafts we came with were getting set to make for open water while we, at that point, were lying on our backs in the water, floating away, accommodating yet another demand from our fascist facilitator. When we did actually start our trip downriver, the orders rang even more loudly in our ears. Much like galley slaves, we were urged on by the piercing shouts of our unelected "captain" who would, apparently, be accompanying us for the duration of the trip. In between his pacing shouts of "one, two", our progress was slowed by the regular demand for us to to stop and get back into rhythm or to bounce back and forth on the raft to release us from the hold of a random rock. Knowing that our commander knew very little English, the murmurs of discontent that passed among the surly crew became particularly audible and the idea of mutiny, even if in jest, was passed around freely. Luckily, for both parties, as the river opened up a little bit, we were permitted to abandon ship and take the rapids individually. Thought a little painful, this was a much more enjoyable way to take to the river than to subject ourselves to the constant reprimands and remonstrances of our skipper.

By the time we had reached our destination downriver we were in considerably better spirits if not a little worse for wear. At this point our opinion of our unbending instructors softened a little bit when they flipped a pair of the rafts and lined them up so as to construct something of a pontoon bridge that led to nowhere. Naturally, as I discovered that their purpose was for one of us step up and jump off the end of this bridge, I was ready and willing. From there, we were able to let, coax and coerce a number of other people to attempt the same thing and so began one of the more light-hearted and spirited parts of the day.

Having had our fill of leaping aimlessly into a river for one day, we headed back to our point of origin where we were able to hit the showers and change into dry clothes. From there, the bus took us to a nearby restaurant where we ate in classic traditional Korean style. The food was neither good or bad but it was nice to take a break and feed our appetites that hadn't seen the likes of food since before we had embarked on our watery adventure.

The trip back was pretty quiet and relaxing. The majority of those with us were taxed from the days activities and had no taste for any kind of rambunctions ridiculousness. When we made it back, my comrades Chris and Terry decided to spend our evening at WOW Bar, decided to go out to meet up with a Korean friend of ours that Chris had introduced us to awhile back. With no real knowledge of the area that we had met her in, we let Sarah, our Korean friend, take us to a place where we could try a dish that she called "potato soup". When I heard about something called potato soup I was completely on board. As it turned out, the soup was really more of a spare rib soup with the occasional potato here and there. I will admit, the soup was probably one of my favorite dishes so far in Korea, but in my opinion, "potato soup" was a very misleading title for such cuisine.

From potato soup we made it back to our neighborhood and headed to WOW Bar, which is a local bar for us that has balcony seating, allowing us to have a few beers and enjoy what proved to be a nice Korean summer night. By the end of the night, we had a few more companions sitting at our table and another well spent night under our belts. While we were there we partook in what is known as fruit soju, which is pretty much just a daquiri of any fruit you want, mixed with soju. I admit, this is favorite of mine despite its fruity disposition. However, they way I look at it, while fruity drinks with an atypically low quantity of alcohol in them may be bit out of character for me, if you think about it, it's really just a spiked fruit smoothy. While smoothies themselves don't have much in the way of a backbone, when you spike them with alcohol that's actually kinda edgy. Besides, once we drink enough of it, we add more soju ourselves to give it some more pep.

Sunday was somewhat uneventful but we made use of a recent discovery that Chris and I made in our apartment- our roof access. Atop our oddly constructed and colored apartment, we have a sizeable rooftop where can bring my grill up and barbecue some sausages which, in Korea, come in green, red and and regular. Though we haven't done terribly much up there beyond a few Sunday barbecues, there is an incredible degree of potential for future events. I am extremely eager to test them out.

I have spent about an hour and a half here at my desk at school writing this and I still haven't eaten dinner, not to mention I've been told that I have to decorate my room for parent-teacher conferences that will be happening this Saturday, so I'm going to end this post with traditional promise of future posts.

Have a good one, folks!